i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You took a bar mat shot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
