so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
