so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
