I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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