haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
NoShamevember. You game?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
