Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize