my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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