Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
