I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize