somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
