I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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