I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
