I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
