I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
