Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize