I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
