Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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