I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
