I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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