When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize