Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
