Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
