Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
