And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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