Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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