i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
