New invention idea: vibrating tampons
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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