i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
please don't ironically join a cult
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