We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
