apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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