Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
