You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
