And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize