I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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