i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
please don't ironically join a cult
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