just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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