Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i barfeds in our rink
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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