Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
