im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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