guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
