Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
