member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
BRING THE BAGELS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
