So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
