I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
