Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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