The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
