the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
