yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
