i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
