Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
