At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
