I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
