just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
