Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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