dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
