My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
