I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
