It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Enjoy the penises
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
soo... how was my night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
