I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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