So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
