1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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