i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
