so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
