dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
