I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
