He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
