Plan B is the new Plan A
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
